Bucket List: Jiggle Belly Run (Check)

For those of you following the sad misadventures of Momzilla, the Charter Member of the Exercise Haters' Club, you know I was slowly training for the local Jingle Bell Run (or, in my case, the "Jiggle Belly Run") to support arthritis.  I had two people give me great advice about a free podcast on iTunes called "Couch to 5K" by Robert Ullrey which sets a 9-week training course to music (and Robert telling you when to warm up, walk, run, and cool down). 

All was going well until I began to feel that, instead of supporting arthritis, I was developing it in both knees.  My left knee would start to give out on an incline and I felt like my kneecap was threatening to come off my leg and roll down the road.  My right knee would swell up like a balloon post run.  My final run before Race Day was the Monday before Thanksgiving - two weeks before Race Day.  So why I thought I could go two weeks without doing anything and be all right on Race Day just goes to show you I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer!

Nonetheless, Husband, Eli, Boy Wonder Wyatt (our photographer and "bag watcher"), Renee and I duly loaded into the Blue Bus last Saturday to join the rest of our Local Christian Radio Station Team for the run.  Snow had fallen the night before and the grounds were covered in several inches of mostly undisturbed white fluffiness. 

We took group pictures:

Stretched out:

And took off running!

I'd like to say I am blurry in this photo because I am running like the wind, Bullseye, but the truth is, I was too close to the photographer (sigh!). 

A mere 30 minutes later, Husband and Eli crossed the finish line:

Three and a half minutes later, Renee (who slowed WAY down to keep me company) and I crossed the finish line:

I am not sure if my arms are raised in victory or surrender but I am fairly certain that my asthmatic breathing let Renee know I was behind her the whole race.  Seriously, when you are used to your own training route (and drowning yourself out with blaring iPod music), and then have to run an unfamiliar route, it feels twice as long.  Renee kept energetically telling me to lengthen my stride and to get as much as I could out of each stride.  I tried lengthening once and nearly had my knee give out.  Then Renee because a little obsessive about passing everyone so she was off the trail and running through the snow on the side with me trying to keep up, and dodge the snowflakes that were going straight into my eyeballs.  Snow was seeping into my mesh-like shoes and causing frostbite.  Renee should train Navy SEALS.  I'm just sayin'...

The best part of the day?  The team leaders made reservations at Texas Roadhouse and we all totally undid all our calorie burning workout by loading up on carbs and red meat.  Now these are MY kind of teammates.  We'll see you next year, Local Christian Radio Station Team! 

PS  The second best part of the day HAD to be the crazy costumes.  Seriously, I am not sure how some people could run in these!

(Look closely at this one and you see two teenagers dressed in tweener long underwear, panties, and training bras). 

From Sloth to Dribbletastic

As if the chaos of the soccer season wasn't enough to make me feel like I lived in my Blue Bus, we enrolled both of the spastic Squirrels in basketball.  We figured Eli would be fine with it, being that she was in a basketball clinic last year and has attended the local college clinic to shoot hoops with the men's basketball team. 

 Katybird, on the other hand, is quite possibly the world's laziest sloth.  No, seriously, I love my kid but I tell her to empty the dishwasher and she throws herself to the ground and starts sobbing, "You mean ALL BY MYSELF?  NO ONE is going to HELP me?".  She doesn't want to return her craftastic supplies to the basement because there are spiders down there.  Getting her to sort and gather laundry can take all evening with several redirections when she becomes distracted by floating dust particles and shiny objects. 

However, Katybird has discovered she totally digs basketball. She is excited to go every Saturday and isn't half bad.  Elisabeth is in an age bracket where there are only two teams so the same two teams play each other every week.  She's fast but the shortest on the team and is assigned a super aggressive guard from the opposing team. 

I'm trying to teach her how to box out - the only basketball skill I was halfway good at because I had the rear end to do some damage and elbows that were at everyone else's eyeball level...since I only played in 8th grade when I was far ahead of everyone on the growth chart.  Luckily, Darren is helping coach Elisabeth's team and he has far more skills than me.  Although I don't know if I care as much about skill development as I do having Elisabeth and Kate both burn off the excess ADHD energy that would otherwise lead to broken Christmas ornaments in the house. 

Squirrel Dental Care

Kate came marching into the house this past week with an intent expression on her face. 

"Mom, I need to bring a hammer to school."

This was a new one on me.  "Whatever for?" I asked.

"Mikayla has a wiggly tooth she can't get out."

Well, I guess Katybird thought she'd provide some free dental care to her best friend.  Although, having first hand knowledge of Kate's lack of fine motor skills, I'd say Mikayla better wear a helmet to this "dental appointment".

Madison, Katybird, & Mikayla at "Fall Festival". 

The Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest

I apologize in advance to all teachers and anyone over the age of 50 because I know you have a deep affinity for "holiday sweaters". 

My family, who is all not quite right in the head, is holding an Ugly Christmas Sweater contest this year.  We have consistently had quirky white elephant grabs in the past, yielding such results as:

A set of petite bell bottoms resplendent in Grandma Moses-like drawings of flowers, tractors, and sheaves;

 A tray with pressed samples of various rocks and trees

A grade school textbook from the mid-80s. 

This year, however, the Ugly Christmas Sweater is the contender.  Whoever is bedazzled the most wins.  I went to the local thrift store and hit the MOTHER LODE!

I could totally star on the "Cosby Show" in these sweaters.  My personal favorite?  The red sweater with green Christmas bows and black and white spotted dogs.  Why?  It has shoulder pads.  All I need are stirrup pants, jelly shoes, slap bracelets, and feathered hair and I could relive my 1988 Christmas.

I saw an acquaintance in store as I was checking out.  She eyed my towering mound of Christmas deliciousness/ugliness and asked me if I was shopping for myself.  I didn't want to tell her, in front of the clerk, that I was on the hunt for the ugliest Christmas sweaters around, so I just said I was buying gifts for my sisters.  She looked liked she wanted to ask me if I was serious but that she didn't know me well enough and didn't want to offend me in case I thought these sweaters were the bees' knees. 

I may not win Mother of the Year but I think I've got this Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest in the bag.

Jreses, Petecat and Squirrel Shipments

The earnest longing for Christmas has began in spades this week since the girls recently came into possession of two American Girl dolls - Felicity (or, as Eli spelled it when she emailed her cousin - FLECATY) and Elizabeth.  I may or may not have had a moment of weakness at a charity auction and in a frenzy of activity, bid on the two dolls.  In my defense, I get a little confused at auctions and never know exactly what amount the auctioneer is calling out so sometimes I end up bidding against myself.  Plus, my heart starts racing and my brain leaves the room.  And in this particular instance, my sister Mary was beside me egging me on about how I should spend the money for such a good cause.

But I digress...

The girls have been delightedly toting the dolls everywhere.  I came downstairs one afternoon to find Kate's doll with hair dripping wet.  She took it upon herself to give the doll a shampoo and then try to comb out the hair with a fine tooth comb (those who are familiar with AG doll hair care are cringing right now). 

A doll clothes catalog came in and Kate gleefully worked to submit her Christmas list:

Perhaps some interpretation is needed:

doktr stuf  = doctor stuff
carer = carrier (as in baby carrier)
diapaus = diapers
crid = crib (she consistently mixes up her d's and b's)
hicar = high chair
sipecap = sippy cup
dipr stuf = diaper stuff
deb = bed (see note on crib)
rod = robe (see note on crib)
sliprs = slippers
sockr stuff = soccer stuff
clos = clothes
prs = purse
jreses = dresses
hat
soos = shoes
petecat = petticoat
sock

She's putting all her hopes on doll stuff.  In fact, both girls have (as Stan and Jan Berenstein would say) a galloping greedy case of the GIMMIES!  I told them that maybe this Christmas, we would focus on the true meaning of Christmas and not on all the toys they are waiting for.  Eli took that opportunity to show what a well-behaved child she is:



And you all get to hear me having a night where I was pretty much fed up and felt like taking a sabbatical from motherhood.  Luckily the UPS man didn't take that opportunity to stop by the house.  I may have had a shipment for him that consisted of a box with holes in it marked "TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: DESTINATION = ZIMBABWE". 

(This is the point where all my loyal readers realize that this blog serves as the antidote to all the saccharine sweet mother blogs out there that only comment on craft projects and delightful outings with their children.  This is also the point where I am no longer even remotely a contender for Mother of the Year.  Ah, the crown and sash have slipped through my fingers.)

Born out of Loss

I was invited to be a guest blogger for Family Life's "Mom Life Today" website.  Wasn't sure if my post was going to be far too honest to make it to the wall but I pray it speaks the truth in love about foster care and adoption.  I read so many flowery blog entries from other moms gushing about everything that is motherhood I begin to wonder how honest they are. 

So here is my unvarnished truth:

http://www.momlifetoday.com/2010/11/born-out-of-loss/

The Doctor Is In

I received an email from my sister Renee today relating events involving her hilarious daughter Grace:

"Grace made an information sheet for me to fill out in order to be seen in her doctor's office.



I thought is was kind of personal but I filled it out anyway. Here were her questions:


1. Name:


2. Phone numer:


3. Adress:


4. Who you maried:


5. Did you wet the bed:


6. Who is your mail lady:


7. Hair corler:


8. Eye corler:


9. Fravorvite dotcer (doctor):


10. Fravite corler:


11. Fravite outfit:


12. Age:


13. Fravite animal that you have:


14. Fravite kind of apple:






PLEASE DO NOT WRITE IN CURSIVE"


"Dr. Grace" is nothing if not thorough...