Overheard in the back of the Blue Bus while taking Squirrels to school this morning:
Kate (in a sing-songy voice): "Nobody will play with me. Nobody will play with me outside for recess."
Elisabeth (voice dripping with disdain): "Is that the song you are going to sing when you try out for 'American Idol'?"
Kate (arms crossed, emphatic): "Yes. But when I am older, I am going to put some touches on it."
It may be pitchy, Dawg, but I'll give it a 10. It has a good beat and you can dance to it.
Family
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Inmates Threaten to Take Over Asylum
I'm done apologizing for my lack of postage on the blog. I once had a dream that I would be "discovered" by the Huffington Post as the newest MUST READ thirtysomething blogger but have since decided I may have been delusional. I am blaming it on my allergy medication. All the world is right when you are in a fog. Even my bone-crunching chiropractic back adjustments no longer make me shout aloud and have visions of my head popping off my neck and rolling down the street.
But I digress...
The truth is, we have spent the last few weeks in the trenches with the kids. I have made no secret of my frustration to parent ADHD children but things took a turn for the worse when I, having all the best intentions, set up in-home counseling for Eli. As a part of the therapy process, we began attending adoption support group to meet with other parents about adoption issues.
Believe me, my eyes were opened. You've all heard of the extreme cases of foster kids who just seem to have their wires crossed. Well, these parents have lived (and are living) through it. I give them props for seeking the resources to help their children but some of the symptoms they mentioned (wildly vacillating mood swings, defiance, outburst of anger at parental figures - namely Mom) were eerily familiar. I began to wonder what was going to manifest in the future for Eli.
Well, this is probably the reason why no one should take abnormal psych classes without their own personal psychologist. Self-diagnosis can be a dangerous thing. Turns out that after a few weeks of counseling - that brought up a whole host of memories and feelings for Eli - we have FINALLY turned a corner.
Add to that I finally found a parenting book that is realistic and fairly easy to follow - Dr Kevin Leman's "Have a New Kid by Friday". I learned that the problem was not Eli at all. It was ME! (most of you are not surprised at all by this revelation). I was so worried that Eli's and Kate's lack of discipline and structure in their formative years by previous family members would adversely affect them without me stepping in as Drill Sergeant Mom. I am the "authoritarian" parent Dr. Leman describes and it was not fun to hear myself described.
So I am committed to not overreacting to Eli needling me endlessly about the "Never Evers" ("You NEVER let me do this", "You mean I will NEVER EVER get to have a friend over again?") and to suppress the urge to try to sway her thinking. I am committed to saying something once, turning my back, and walking away so as not to let the "hedonistic ankle biters" (hey, that's what the good Dr. calls them) manipulate me into a corner where the inmates threaten to take over the asylum and in the fear for my sanity, I give in just to get them to QUIT WHINING!
I've tried other parenting books before, like Lisa Whelchel's "Creative Correction" and the foster care highly-touted "1-2-3 Magic" (nothing is magical when you have a daughter who continues to follow you needling or one who throws herself to the ground and sobs uncontrollable because she cannot have pop for breakfast or when both of them continue to shout from time out about how much they hate me and how life is unfair and they wish they could live somewhere else because their parents are mean).
We've had relative peace here on the Cougarville front so let's hope and pray I can stay focused and calm. Until the teenage years hit, at least. Then Clairol home hair dye and I are going to develop an intimate relationship so I can cover the signs of my stress. And there will be teeth puncture marks in my pillow.
But I digress...
The truth is, we have spent the last few weeks in the trenches with the kids. I have made no secret of my frustration to parent ADHD children but things took a turn for the worse when I, having all the best intentions, set up in-home counseling for Eli. As a part of the therapy process, we began attending adoption support group to meet with other parents about adoption issues.
Believe me, my eyes were opened. You've all heard of the extreme cases of foster kids who just seem to have their wires crossed. Well, these parents have lived (and are living) through it. I give them props for seeking the resources to help their children but some of the symptoms they mentioned (wildly vacillating mood swings, defiance, outburst of anger at parental figures - namely Mom) were eerily familiar. I began to wonder what was going to manifest in the future for Eli.
Well, this is probably the reason why no one should take abnormal psych classes without their own personal psychologist. Self-diagnosis can be a dangerous thing. Turns out that after a few weeks of counseling - that brought up a whole host of memories and feelings for Eli - we have FINALLY turned a corner.
Add to that I finally found a parenting book that is realistic and fairly easy to follow - Dr Kevin Leman's "Have a New Kid by Friday". I learned that the problem was not Eli at all. It was ME! (most of you are not surprised at all by this revelation). I was so worried that Eli's and Kate's lack of discipline and structure in their formative years by previous family members would adversely affect them without me stepping in as Drill Sergeant Mom. I am the "authoritarian" parent Dr. Leman describes and it was not fun to hear myself described.
So I am committed to not overreacting to Eli needling me endlessly about the "Never Evers" ("You NEVER let me do this", "You mean I will NEVER EVER get to have a friend over again?") and to suppress the urge to try to sway her thinking. I am committed to saying something once, turning my back, and walking away so as not to let the "hedonistic ankle biters" (hey, that's what the good Dr. calls them) manipulate me into a corner where the inmates threaten to take over the asylum and in the fear for my sanity, I give in just to get them to QUIT WHINING!
I've tried other parenting books before, like Lisa Whelchel's "Creative Correction" and the foster care highly-touted "1-2-3 Magic" (nothing is magical when you have a daughter who continues to follow you needling or one who throws herself to the ground and sobs uncontrollable because she cannot have pop for breakfast or when both of them continue to shout from time out about how much they hate me and how life is unfair and they wish they could live somewhere else because their parents are mean).
We've had relative peace here on the Cougarville front so let's hope and pray I can stay focused and calm. Until the teenage years hit, at least. Then Clairol home hair dye and I are going to develop an intimate relationship so I can cover the signs of my stress. And there will be teeth puncture marks in my pillow.
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