The Hounds of Cougarville Strike Again!

In a late breaking news development, a local Momzilla was alerted by concerned next door neighbor Melissa K that two black hounds were spotted gallivanting around the small suburban city of Cougarville (name changed to protect Momzilla location) mid-morning last Thursday.  The hounds appeared to have sly grins on their slobbery faces akin to Sylvester the Cat when he captures Tweety in his mouth.  Neighbor Melissa's dad also owns two black hounds but further investigation determined his hounds were safely at home. 

That key piece of evidence led local police, er, Momzilla, to realize that the two hounds in question were none other than Atticus (AKA Lumpy) - a notorious chew and slobber hound known to eat cell phones belonging to landscapers and to leap over two sets of minivan seats to secure an entire package of string cheese from Boy Wonder Wyatt's parents Denis and Jackie.  [NOTE: the string cheese was later recovered by Momzilla after much slipping and sliding on a wet lawn and prying impaled string cheese - still in package - loose from a set of slobbery canines...and I mean the teeth, not just the dog] and Sasha (AKA Spazzoid) - aider and abetter to the notorious chew and slobber hound with a deep affinity for flip flops, superballs, paintbrushes and bungee cords. 

Momzilla raced back to her little cabin in the big woods to find the two hounds had returned from the scene of their misdeeds and were proudly standing over the now-deceased body of a black cat.  Witnesses report the hounds were protectively guarding the cold, stiff body of the cat who appeared to be missing a vital piece of its hind parts.  Also in their possession was a deer head and one hoof. 

Boy Wonder Wyatt was called up from his basement abode to dispose of the victims.  Cheers and sounds of disgust could be heard from the two spastic Squirrels who reside with the Momzilla. 

Further investigation revealed that the batteries supplying power to the PetSafe Stubborn Dog Fence collars had ceased to be of use and were promptly replaced by Husband.  The two hounds have been remanded to custody and the smell of burnt dog hair indicates that the zapper collars are now in working order.  The hounds responded by howling, racing back to the porch, and respecting the invisible fence surrounding their two acre prison.  The hounds will be eligible for parole...well, never. 

YOU, TOO, can prevent crimes like this from happening in the future.  If you spot two black hounds heading for the Maine Ave Market (name changed to conceal Momzilla's location) or dragging dead cats along in their jaws, please call 1-800-MOMZILLA immediately.  Or just offer them some string cheese.  Or your flip flops.

For more merry misadventures of the Hounds of Cougarville, read here and here! 

The Midnight Non-News

I know I am long overdue to post.  What started out as a catharsis for my own neurotic musings has turned into the pressure to post at least once a week.  I think I'll call this blogger's block.  Maybe I should have had a focus like cooking my way through Julia Child's cookbook or posting my school lunch experience daily.  Instead, you get the random midnight thoughts of a Midwestern Momzilla. 

So here goes...

In sports news, Eli is in volleyball now and getting a sound spanking weekly from her cousin Courtney's rival team (coached by her varsity volleyball head coach mother Tracy who can still put a dent in a gym floor with her serves).  Courtney can serve overhand...in the 4th grade...with enough power to break a nose...so it's interesting to see most of Eli's team duck when Courtney serves. 

In other sports news, in a moment of late night New Year's Eve weakness, I agreed to run a 10k with our good friends the "Lindyhops" (real name concealed so my whereabouts in the Momzilla Protection Program remain secretive).  Actually, it was probably about in the 35th round of rousing Phase 10 game ('cause that's how us cool people roll on New Year's Eve) when I realized that I was never going to get two sets of four that I said "Run again?  Why not!".  I looked on the race website and found that EVERYONE who completes the race gets a medal. 

Well, that was enough for me.  The only medal I currently possess was the product of my 8th grade Math Counts "Mathletes" team.  I may not win any athletic competitions but I will square root your butt right off if you mess with me.  That's what me and my white and nerdy posse do. 

In educational news, Eli's grades have been rather schizophrenic.  After a lengthy school meeting with the teacher, the principal, the psychologist and the state's community resource advocate, we determined that Eli would benefit from counseling, weekly meetings with her teacher to review her work and she may need an occupational therapy evaluation.  No testing accommodations...and she is still sitting in the back row.  By the time anything of importance is completed, so will the third grade and she'll be home for the summer.  And I'll probably face this battle again in two years when Katybird makes it to third grade. 

In travel news, Husband leaves for China in one week.  I offered to sneak along in his suitcase but he rolled his eyes at me and told me his company may not allow me to go.  I told him I could randomly show up in China...they can't disapprove a SHEER COINCIDENCE, can they?  He says wait until he gets to go to Australia...if he ever does.  Meanwhile, my 223,000 frequent flyer miles with Delta are just itching to be used....

And in adoption news...well, not much.  Our home study is being evaluated by a TX caseworker for a brother/sister combination (ages 4&5) who, if I am reading between the lines, are ADHD and love/hate each other.  Sound familiar?  Anyway, caseworkers are not fond of interstate adoptions (because it's a ton of paperwork and much hassle) which puts us behind in state home studies in the stack but nothing was moving in our home state so I've taken to trolling the web.  Feels a bit like online shopping for children.  We'll see what happens...

That's the news from the little cabin in the big woods this week....where the men are good-looking, the women are frazzled, and the children are all above average (in spastic-ness).

Lauren and the Bad Romance

This has nothing to do with Momzilla-ness but had to share my niece Lauren's college video of Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance", in which she plays a part.  Simply BRILLIANT!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Xozp8ROqPI