I went to see "Marley & Me" in the theaters only because I read the book at the same time I was training my own puppies and howled (pun intended) all the way through the book. I do have a bone (another intended pun) to pick with author John Grogan, though...because I have the world's worst dogs.
Henceforth, I present my case...
Atticus (boy) and Sasha (girl) are the stud and runt of Susan's dog's first litter of pups. In a moment of sheer desperation of wanting to nurture SOME living thing in my life (all my plants had died and I left my goldfish back in NC), I told Susan I wanted a dog and then figured my dog might need a playmate. Susan took care of the pups until they were about three months before bringing them up to my house. Man, they were the cutest things ever...
But then they turned into runaway, gnaw monsters! I figured we lived in the country and no one would mind but I had a neighbor who would call Animal Control every time they came near her house. I tried kenneling the dogs but they chewed through the metal kennel...repeatedly! They got into another neighbor's garage while she was painting and snagged a paintbrush. I came over to get them and they looked at me with blue painted snouts.
My friend Kitty recommended a local trainer. This dog trainer came with high credentials (she had trained police dogs for years) and a reputation of handling tough cases. We eagerly signed up the dogs imagining well-behaved pooches in the aftermath. I should have known when the trainer showed up in a hot pink wind suit with lipstick to match that this wasn't going to end well. Alas, the trainer informed me that Atticus was the worst dog she had ever tried to train. She worked on him for a full week and I would get updates like, "He is not right in his front end. I don't think he is very bright. He is extremely lazy. He is very barky." I slunk back at the end of the week to pick him up and Atticus looked up at me like, "What in the world did I ever do to deserve this crazy lady for a week?"
I faithfully followed the Dog Whisperer's advice...Be the pack leader...exercise, discipline, affection...rules, boundaries, limitations. But they are outside dogs and so they only obey when I am in sight. They have chewed everything they can reach including the sides and ends of our log home. The other week S accidentally left Grandma Ellie's back car door open. Atticus got in and had a hayday in the car...shredding ballpoint pens to smithereens and rooting around for food. They ate the red bows I put up outside for Christmas and chewed through the strands of Christmas lights. They have chewed through hoses, flip flops, bike knees pads, cell phone chargers, and would start in on anything left by UPS/FEDEX/DHL, etc.
We put in invisible fencing which completely freaked them out for the first week. Our landscapers accidentally cut the line while grading and the dogs figured out they could get out. I ordered a line break kit to figure out where the break was to fix it but not before Atticus gleefully ran to the river bottom and promptly got sprayed by a skunk. Now, whenever his fur gets damp, I get a strong smell of skunk all over again. I tried bathing the dogs in the bathtub and they were freaked out of their minds, so the smell will remain until the weather warms up again.
What makes me keep them around when they have cost me hundreds, if not thousands in care and items I have had to replace? I guess it's the same commitment and love that makes you keeps your kids around even on the days that they push every button you have.
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