The Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest

I apologize in advance to all teachers and anyone over the age of 50 because I know you have a deep affinity for "holiday sweaters". 

My family, who is all not quite right in the head, is holding an Ugly Christmas Sweater contest this year.  We have consistently had quirky white elephant grabs in the past, yielding such results as:

A set of petite bell bottoms resplendent in Grandma Moses-like drawings of flowers, tractors, and sheaves;

 A tray with pressed samples of various rocks and trees

A grade school textbook from the mid-80s. 

This year, however, the Ugly Christmas Sweater is the contender.  Whoever is bedazzled the most wins.  I went to the local thrift store and hit the MOTHER LODE!

I could totally star on the "Cosby Show" in these sweaters.  My personal favorite?  The red sweater with green Christmas bows and black and white spotted dogs.  Why?  It has shoulder pads.  All I need are stirrup pants, jelly shoes, slap bracelets, and feathered hair and I could relive my 1988 Christmas.

I saw an acquaintance in store as I was checking out.  She eyed my towering mound of Christmas deliciousness/ugliness and asked me if I was shopping for myself.  I didn't want to tell her, in front of the clerk, that I was on the hunt for the ugliest Christmas sweaters around, so I just said I was buying gifts for my sisters.  She looked liked she wanted to ask me if I was serious but that she didn't know me well enough and didn't want to offend me in case I thought these sweaters were the bees' knees. 

I may not win Mother of the Year but I think I've got this Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest in the bag.