With Friends Like These...

Lis (S) has been having friend troubles lately...I noticed it when I visited her class to evaluate her ADHD symptoms (pre-medication) and thought maybe once she had calmed down a bit, things would turn around for her. Her class is very lopsided in numbers favoring the boys, whom she actually gets along fairly well with one on one but what first grade boy is going to bypass playing with all his other guy friends to hang out with a girl? Not many.


I noticed it again when I went along on her field trip last Friday. I got on the bus and walked all the way to the back to find her crying because all her girl friends already had seat mates and wouldn't let her sit with them. I told her I was sure glad to sit by her but I guess boring mom is not on the same "funness" rank as another first grade girl.


It seems like girls go through this more often than boys. I can remember different times in elementary and then in junior high when I, too, had "friend trouble". Luckily, I had some friends I could always count on (Amy F, Amy TW, Gina H and Becky H). I remember growing faster than any of the other girls and the boys making fun of how big I was (they weren't laughing as much when we reached junior high and the high school boys didn't mind how "big" I was - HA!).


I can remember kids groaning when I knew the answers to the questions and would incessantly raise my hand (okay, so that probably was annoying...but I'm one of eight kids and was just so thrilled that SOMEONE wanted to hear what I had to say!). I alternated between wanting to have attention and wanting to be "just like everyone else".


As a mom, I'm not sure how to help Lis. Her girl cousins will be her forever friends but none of them go to her school. I have her school friends over for play dates and she is out for soccer and on the same team as one of the girls in her class. My observation seems to indicate that she is a bit possessive/jealous of her friends when they talk to other friends. Hopefully, with enough conversation about how she feels, this will improve but for now, this may just be one of those things that she'll have to walk through to get to the other side. And hopefully, it will make her a more compassionate person the next time she sees someone standing on the outside, looking in.