Painful Flattery for a Secret Keeper

My sister Renee issued an invitation for the me and the two Squirrels to attend a Secret Keeper slumber party to use up a package Renee had bought at a recent Secret Keeper event with her daughter "Amazing" Grace.  The Squirrels could barely contain their excitement since this particular slumber party involved staying overnight at a hotel with a pool AND would be attended by their red-headed cousins - Abigail, Rachel, and Rebekah (or, as our nickname-laden family calls them, "Sass", "Duke" and "Bucky"...yes, such flattering nicknames). 

We had adjoining rooms at a local Holiday Inn Express and the girls no sooner stepped inside the door then they began devouring mass quantities of sugar and caffeine.  Clothes and flip flops were flying through the air as they dug into their suitcases to unearth their swim suits, then down to the pool for some fun. 

Later on, Renee had activities plan to teach the girls how to keep confidences and treat others with kindness and respect.  The favorite activity involved the girls using fabric markers on white pillowcases to write kind words about each other.  Each girl had a pillowcase with their name on it, then the girls cycled around the different pillowcases and were to write something and draw a picture of something that reminded them of the particular girl whose name was on the pillowcase. 

All was going well until Eli came to Katybird's pillowcase.  My kids are the best of friends and worst of enemies.  Eli is the typical older sister that thinks her younger sister is boring and babyish.  Kate thinks her older sister is bossy and mean.  Eli was taking a while to think and then finally....PAINFULLY...wrote the following:

"Nice sometimes"

Meanwhile, Mary's daughter Abigail wrote this glowing review for her own sister:

Rachel, you are the best thing that ever happened. 

I don't know what I'd do without you.  You fill my day with love!!"

Perhaps my favorite, though, was what Rachel wrote on friend Audrey's pillowcase:

"Satan is mean, his followers are too but totally not you!"

Mmmm...what a warm and fuzzy endorsement to lay your head on at night, Duke!

"Taling" Care of the "Nose"

A couple of Saturdays ago, I spent a marathon day cleaning out the garage and the storage room, the last two bastions of chaos that I had been dreading.  We finally broke down and listed our house with a real estate agent (and chafe against the 6 1/2 % commission somewhat)...who so far has gotten less showings than I did but hey, our realtor knows Ted Nugent and was going to call him to see if he (or his hunting buddies) want a little house in a big woods with lots of deer you can shoot from your front porch before you even finish your morning coffee...

But I digress...

So anyway, I was so exhausted I fell into a chair just to unkink my back muscles.  Little Katybird tiptoes up to me and hands me this note:

For those of you who can't read Katybirdese...it says:

"Dear mom
I noe (know) you are having a hard time taling (taking) care of the nose (house).
from Kate to mom"

Awww...perhaps I will stop ranting about how I work my fingers to the bone and feel like the household maid around here.

"Still"water in Turmoil Upon Exit of K Sisterhood

In mid-August, the sleepy little town of Stillwater, MN was accosted out of a sound slumber by the arrival of 13 female members of the K sisterhood.  Leading the charge was matriarch Ellie followed by 7 daughters and 5 nieces. 

Aurora Staples Inn Bed & Breakfast owners reported that much noise and laughter shook the walls of their 100+ year old home while faint glimpses of heavily robed nieces could be seen stumbling to the breakfast table each morning. 

The downtown area business owners also reported that shopping maven Beth was seen single-handedly reviving the area economy.  "You know, we were heading for an economic bust, ja?  But then this crazy lady came in bought one of everything in every color!" stated Margoot Helglerood, owner of the Fun Sisters Boutique. 

The back of the trolley car was also weighted down by the presence of the Babbling Baker's Dozen (as the town had dubbed them) and their plethora of fudge purchases. 

But perhaps most disturbing were these images captured by hidden camera of the 13 women seen trying valiantly to capture the funniest picture of their lips doing the "bbbbbb" sound.  Or trying to capture a picture of their cheeks stretched to capacity doing a loose-jawed violent head shake. 

Nonetheless, the K Sisterhood left behind a wake of destruction as they exited the town on Sunday morning.  Residents and business owners alike unlocked their doors again and took long naps to recover.  The Governor of Minnesota has officially declared Stillwater a disaster area and FEMA is on its way to spearhead recovery efforts. 

Cannibalistic Goldfish & "Pichr Suls"

School started with a bang this year!  Eli and Katybird got to pick out their first day of school outfits by themselves with no direction from me.  Turns out that they must like hot pink glittery retina-burning '80s throwback clothing.  Ah well...

Eli came bursting through the door after school, delighted that she had been assigned to put up and take down the flag outside the school.  Evidently this is a big honor in the 4th grade (aside from weaving the maypole at the end of the year and scraping plates at lunch).  Eli was very worried that she couldn't fulfill her obligations.  "Mom, can we practice with my blanket?  I have to fold the flag in a triangle.  And it can't touch the ground.  And I can't reach the rope to untie it. And can you take me to school early because I want to make sure I have time to take care of the flag?"  Ooo...the pressure builds. 

And Katybird took the entrepreneurial route, painting watercolor blobs on paper the day before school started.  "I'm going to sell these, Mom.  I think I'll charge $50.".  I told her 25 cents was more like it.  "That's what I meant." she said.  She printed a sign and everything!

Benny D from her class was her one and only customer.  And either Katybird overcharged him or Benny can't count money any better than Kate can.  We told her that she should have only collected 25 cents from him and she started whimpering, "Well, I didn't know how much he gave me because I...can't...(sob, hiccup)...count MONEY!"  Given the choice of offering Benny a refund or more pictures, she felt certain he would choose more pictures.  Who wouldn't want more pictures of blobs on paper? 

And finally, Husband took the girls to ReggieFest this past weekend and came home with...goldfish.  We have no bowl, no food, and no ability to keep sensitive plants and animals alive.  I gave him a tired look and Big D muttered, "Well, that's what the prize was!"  Whoever decided goldfish make good prizes must have spent too much time in the beer tent. 

So alas, Husband turned my Tupperware bowl into a fish bowl and the Squirrels christened "Sunshine", "Goldie" and "Jane" (I'm deeply flattered.)  They thought that the goldfish would want to eat crackers with their namesake but it sounded a bit cannibalistic to me!  We didn't need a goldfish Donner party going on in the bowl.  Instead, we opted for instant mashed potato flakes and crushed up saltines. 

We found Goldie floating dead in the water when we returned from church the following day.  After carefully removing him (or her...who can tell with goldfish) from his/her brief home, Husband carried Goldie gently to the local porcelain throne room.  Eli had a touching eulogy and prayer.  Katybird flushed the toilet while shouting "So long, Sucker!" (I'm not making this up). 

And so life continues trying to keep Sunshine and Jane alive.  I'm working to convince Squirrels that they need to release the fish back into nature.  Truth be told, I have a hard enough time keeping everyone else healthy and alive around here. 

Computer Advice from Mom: Live Screaming

My mom and her computer are not always a compatible match but this latest email from her relaying technical advice given by a local radio station when she called in to find out how to listen to her grandson's football game online is...well...nothing short of hilarious:

If anyone is interested in listening to Bennett's game on-line tonight, here is what K101fm told me: Go to www.oursiouxland.com, click on Local radio (middle right of home page), then click on Luverne Cardinals, K101, Catch the Live Broadcast; then you click on you scream or live scream or something such.


Mom

I, for one, am all up for a live "screaming" broadcast about high school football!  However, I think she meant "streaming". 

Stuck in Between Two Worlds

We've been stuck in a bit of a holding pattern here while we wait for our house to sell so we can head down to Reynosa, Mexico.  This whole "waiting on the Lord to move" thing is a bit tough for the hyper-planner in me.  I mean, I plan something and then plan a 2nd and 3rd contingency...so not knowing when God will remove this obstacle?  KILLING ME! 

Here's the deal.  Our hearts?  Already down in Mexico.  Our thoughts and prayers - already sent those on ahead.  Just my body is left back in the Midwest.  When you know WHERE you are supposed to go and yet aren't there yet, it feels like you are stuck somewhere in the middle.  I can't plan anything more than about 30 days out.  Friends are already starting to disengage because that's how they prepare for the fact that you won't necessarily be around for much longer. 

I registered the girls for school which was tough since I hoped we could transition before the school year started.  Despite multiple showings on the house, plenty of random people driving up my lane to ogle, and some rather interesting phone calls (one lady called asking if we would consider a land contract since she was going to begin receiving oil royalties - from oil found on her land and drilled by another party - but that banks wouldn't lend money under a conventional mortgage until she could show two years' worth of royalties)...the house is still on the market. 

The last two homes we sold took two days and nine days, respectively.  So you can imagine that my patience for keeping a house in a show-ready state for three months now is wearing thin....

But in the meantime, we keep doing what we can do.  We are officially accepted by our sending agency http://www.goyefellowship.org/ under Account #87 (for those who care to support our endeavor).  We finally made the staff page on Isaiah 55's website .  Our prayer magnets are at the printers and our prayer cards are being designed by my AWESOME sister-in-law Dena.  Our sending church has been extremely generous in their pledge to our support while on the field.  We have approximately $1,000 left to raise in monthly pledges to meet our first year fundraising goal. 

My Spanish needs help but I am not sure I could finish a semester at college if I enrolled (I still plan on God doing BIG things to get us down there in His perfect timing).  So we record the vision (Habakkuk 2: 2-3) and then we wait...and wait...and wait...and try to lower my control FREAK FLAG to at least half mast.

PS You can hear the testimony of our calling by visiting iTunes and downloading the 7/3/11 "Ordinary People, Extraordinary God" podcast.  The first 20 minutes or so is the recap by those that went to Reynosa on the June mission trip.  Then Husband and I both share the events that led up to our decision to make a run for the border. 

Chocolate Stingrays Take on Water!

Three years ago when the Squirrels first descended upon the big house in the little woods, they had nary a single swim experience to their credit.  Beings that I knew the K Family Christmas (think Griswolds) would involve a three night stay at a Bear Lodge-looking motel complete with indoor-to-outdoor pool (swimming under some plastic flaps), I figured rather than be a nervous wreck the whole time, I would teach the Squirrels to swim. 

My mom, who earlier in her life had a near-drowning experience when someone threw her in the water and told her to "Sink or Swim" (and she pretty much sunk) had secretly been taking swim lessons (as a surprise to her kids whose sightings of Mom in a swimsuit were as rare as Yeti-sightings) at a local health club.  Mom sprung for a few weeks of passes so I could teach the girls to swim. 

Lesson #1 involved both girls not keeping their mouth shut in the water so they would come up coughing and belching.  Kate even threw up at one point and I didn't want the club to shut the pool down (darn health inspectors) so I quickly shoveled the pukey water over the edge into a nearby drain (what we don't do for our kids, right?  I have a super resistance to my gag reflex after being puked on so many times).  We persistently worked every week, all winter long, to reach a point where I felt that if the girls fell into water over their head, they could flail fast enough to reach the edge of the pool. 

Katybird's progress was tested a few months later on a family vacation when she tried to step on a floatation device in the deep end of our vacation home pool and she wound up bobbing in the deep end.  Aunt Dona quickly reached in and pulled her out.  After that point, I determined a Barbie lifejacket was in order the rest of the vacation. 

Cut to this summer where not only have the girls mostly learned to swim, they are even (drumroll please) on the local swim team, the Stingrays.  My kids are easy to spot.  They have scrawny brown bird legs and big puffy heads as they try to fit their 'fros under their latex swim caps.  

Kate spent the first few meets swimming about four strokes before clutching the ropes and breathing hard.  Eli, so adept at all other sports, just can't quite seem to coordinate her kicks with her arm strokes or to lengthen her arms during the freestyle.  They also get nervous at swim meets and beings I took them off their magic blue pills for the summer (in the hopes they would put on weight and sleep better), they have taken to burning off their pent-up energy by chewing on their goggles and swim caps.  Seriously.  Eli managed to wreck three pairs of goggles and two swim caps.  Kate has wrecked four pairs of goggles (including MY pair I lent her) and two swim caps.  I hear rumor that there are such things as bungee cords for swim goggles.  I need more like titanium swim goggles.  It might make the Squirrels sink but at least I could stop forking over all this money to keep them outfitted in swim gear all summer!

The last meet of the year is coming up soon.  Katybird has managed to be able to swim the length of the pool without drowning (we were pretty sure I was going to have to go in after her on her first 100 meter individual medley) or crying (which she did in abundance when her record-setting cousin Grace came in first for a rival team and poor Katybird came in last by several meters) and Eli can now do a flip turn during her freestyle AND swim mostly in a straight line on her backstroke. 

Now that's what I call PROGRESS!