Racing for Hooter "Cancel"

I had a surreal conversation with the Squirrels tonight on the eve of the local Susan G. Komen "Race for the Cure" event to raise awareness and support for breast cancer research. The women on the outlaw side of my family all run or walk each year and normally Mama F takes everyone out for breakfast afterwards (a major incentive). This year, Mama F took a tumble and is recovering from a hip replacement so we are sans a matriarch this year.

Before all this transpired, I decided, since I was finally back in the area, I would join the family team and bring along the Squirrels (walking, of course. I don't run unless I am being chased by a knife-wielding man). About three weeks ago our racing tags and t-shirts came in the mail.

Tonight, I set everything out in preparation for tomorrow. The girls asked what "Breast Cancel" was. I explained that it was when you get lumps in your breasts and the lumps need to be cut out and sometimes the whole breast has to be cut off. This led to Kate's eyes widening and asking, "How do they cut them off?"

Rather than go into the whole scalpel issue, I very tenderly (ha!) told her, "They lop them off with a knife."

Eli looks at me skeptically and says, "I sure hope they put you to sleep for that."

I assure her they do to which Kate asks what being "put to sleep means". I tell her it's when the doctor gives you some really good drugs so you don't have to feel the hurt.

Kate then asks how you get a new breast back. I realize this conversation is probably going to be repeated verbatim at an inopportune time, like at Kindergarten story hour, so I have a brief moment where I think it's probably time to stop talking but alas...I delve into explaining silicone implants to a five-year-old. I tell her that they are kind of like squishy balls that get put behind the skin.

She brightens, "I have a squishy ball! I keep it at school to squeeze so I don't fiddle with things at my desk." (a teacher-inspired aid to curb the ADHD).

I assure her that "stress balls" probably aren't what doctors use. Although I am sure there are plenty of men who would place hooters in that same category.