Divine Secrets of the Nah-Blah Sisterhood

Just spent a fabulous weekend with my sisters, nieces, and mom down in St. Louis. We are such an abnormal bunch. I had each of my sisters pose in a cheesy senior picture photo and was laughing so hard at these I could barely keep my camera level. And so, for those of you who only know some of the insanity, here are my sisters (heavily medicated for your safety):

Beth - the oldest child and fits the bill in every way. Beth is a mixture of Oprah Winfrey (if she hadn't fallen into the hands of Eckert Tolle) and Elaine Benes from Seinfield. Her stories are dramatic and everything happens to her. A CPA partner by trade, it would be more fitting if she were on the stage. She also could take retail therapy to an Olympic sport level. She has matching shoes and accessories to every outfit and always looks like a million bucks. I'm pretty sure because of that, she must be adopted.

Lisa - the second oldest and brainy as they come as evidenced by the fact that she took multiple chemistry classes to become a pharmacist. She can remember the words to songs we had on records that haven't been played in 20 years. Need to know the name of the restaurant we ate in on family vacations from 1982? Ask Lisa. She also, however, inherited the worry gene from Mom. While Beth's kids were swinging from the high line wires, Lisa was the one fretting if her kids could somehow get under the pool cover and drown. We also tease her about her ability to graze all day long and still be so thin. I'm pretty sure because of that, she must be adopted.

Renee - the third oldest and artsy one of the family. She's still a killer volleyball player and now on the local school board as well as working part time as a nurse. Renee gets ideas to overhaul something and then you see nails and boards flying around while her husband turns a pale shade of green. She loves to throw things away and purge the clutter from her life. She's also the only one who didn't inherit the traditional deflated rear end like the rest of us. I'm pretty sure because of that, she must be adopted.

My brother would be number four in the family but because of that Y chromosome, he didn't get to come to St. Louis. Actually, we'd be fine if he did. He sent his wife Bethany instead and she braved the weekend as the only outlaw sister we have. You can't be faint of heart and roll with that many Type A personalities but Bethany takes it all in a stride. She's cheerful and artsy and up for any adventure...and very athletic. A former Division I college swimmer, she now works in marketing for a medical group.

Susan rings in as number five. My mom says Susan was the spastic kid who could throw a big temper tantrum. That phase seems to be over and now she runs a horse ranch with her husband. Quite a long way from her days when she worked in downtown Chicago and could rival Beth for retail therapy. Susan is the only one who inherited perfect body proportions. I'm pretty sure because of that, she must be adopted.

Mary comes in as number six. She's our nurturing mothering sister and may be a bit obsessed about vacuuming. She is adamant about her to do lists and sometimes misses her days as a cardiac nurse but right now is in the process of adopting child #5 from Ethiopia. Mary has this fantastic head of gorgeous curly hair - the best hair in the family as most of the rest of us struggle with mousy thin hair and male pattern baldness. I'm pretty sure because of that, she must be adopted.

Skip over me now to the baby Erin. Still merrily single and thriving in her missionary work in Mexico, Erin interacts with the most random people in the most random ways. She, like Beth, has the funniest things happen to her and her stories of language translation mistakes are hysterical. She was a star basketball player and people still talk about her role as Miss Hannigan in a high school production of "Annie". We tease her about her ability to live on about 25 cents a day. I'm pretty sure because of that, she must be adopted.

So there you have it! Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and an extra special one to spare. We're not quite right in the head but at least we have each other. Pass the Prozac.