The Human Piggy Bank and other Untold Stories of the E.R.

During our recent family Christmas in Iowa, Katybird came up to me one evening and complained that her "chest hurt".  I had my mom take her pulse and also called over cardiac cath lab superstar brother-out-law Nelson to review her symptoms to see if this was a cause for worry.  I figured Katybird had been free-feeding on loads of sugary junk all day and this was probably heartburn caused by poor diet, lack of sleep, and two hours of intense swimming in the hotel pool. 
Nelson said to keep an eye on her, have her lay down and rest for a while, and see if symptoms persisted.  Mom dosed her up with Maalox and we tucked her in to watch the Disney channel. 

About 11 PM, Katybird said she wanted to see a doctor but again, I told her that we would wait and see in the morning.  Kate's in this stage where any minor cut or scratch makes her weep and wail and demand bandaids and ointment.  I was not about to hit the ER, incur the cost of an out-of-state, non-insured visit, just to have the ER doc roll his eyes and tell me she had heartburn. 

We had a long night.  Kate would wake up every 30-45 minutes and whimper.  I'd reposition her and it helped if I put my hand over her heart.  She didn't want to eat anything but drank a few sips of water around 3 AM. 

At 9:00 AM, I had a morning conference call I could not miss so I sent Kate to a local prompt care with Husband. 

An hour later, I got the call that it appeared Kate had swallowed a lithium battery.  I wracked my brain for where she could have gotten a lithium battery and told Darren I was 99% sure it was probably a coin from her sparkly pink wallet and not a lithium battery.  He said the x-ray made the swallowed object appear beveled and that it definitely looked like a battery and would need to come out ASAP. 

I had my sisters texting and online trying to find out what the protocol is for swallowed batteries.  Turns out that there are 3500 cases a year of swallowed "button" batteries and that the lithium ones are particularly concerning because a chemical emits from the battery that can eat through surrounding tissues after two hours. 

YIKES!  I was so not getting my Mother-of-the-Year crown and sash this time around.  Husband called to our home state to check with the state insurance (the girls are covered by the state medical plan until they reach the age of 18 - part of the adoption contract the state provides to all kids adopted out of foster care) and the state said they would authorize payment (not sure how much but I guess that fun is in front of us). 

I loaded Kate's ladybug pillow pet into my purse, and my sister Erin drove me and my sister Renee (my consulting RN for the day's drama) to meet Husband at prompt care so we could head over to the emergency room. 

 An ER consult later, Katybird donned a hospital gown that could have wrapped around her three times and was tucked into a big bed on wheels.  She was given an Etch-a-Sketch by the nurse and got to pick her flavor of gas mask. 

Soon, she was wheeled back into surgery...which took all of two minutes...and zounds and tally ho...the doctor discovered this in her esophagus, right above the entrance to her stomach...
Two coins, a dime and nickel, sitting perfectly on top of each other...which would look like a lithium battery on an x-ray. 

The doctor used a forceps to remove the money and Kate was right as rain after an hour in recovery.  See evidence in pink below...

So ends the saga of Kate turning herself into a human piggy bank.  For those doing the bookkeeping, here is how the accounting reads:

1)  Deposit = $0.15
2) Withdrawal = $0.15 + several $$$$ more in hospital bills
3)  Remaining coin collection = CONFISCATED BY THE MOMZILLA

A Plethora of Polyester & Appalling Prints

The results are in for this year's "Ugly Thrift Store Outfit" contest.  My apologies to anyone who has duplicates of any of these items in their closet.  I will submit your name to TLC's "What Not to Wear". 
The Runway Video:


Grand Prize goes to the Dynamic Duo of Matriarch and Patriarch K:

First Runner Up goes to nephew Brenton who managed to find an '80s girls workout outfit that exposed an alarming amount of hairy leg. 

Second Runner up has to be brother-out-law Nelson in a frighteningly tight pair of polyester flood pants. 

Third Runner up is Susan in a saccharine floral ensemble that would make any Southern Junior Leaguer proud:

And some of the rest surely deserve honorable mention:

 I even managed to find my old Billy Bob teeth to complete the ensemble!  This picture does not do justice to the XXL burnt orange/mustard/olive/brown sweater knit attached vest monstrosity I found with TAGS STILL ATTACHED at the local thrift store. 

The whole crew:

Look for next year's contest:  Ugly Formal Wear

Coming to a hotel near you!

Coming Soon! The Ugly Thrift Store Outfit Contest

Last year's Ugly Christmas Sweater Runway Show was one of my "most read" blogs of all time. 

This year, my crazy family has expanded the ugly and we are now preparing for our runway fashion showing displaying the best in thrift store clothing.  Bring on the polyester and fire up your cameras, blog followers!  There is about to be a showdown in one week!

Momzilla, Private Eye Researcher Extraordinaire!

It's official!  I have passed the grueling months-long boot camp, background checks, full body scans, Mensa exams, and dental record verifications to achieve my "Researcher" card from the National Archives. 

Ok, so really all I had to do was show up, have my camera's serial number recorded, go through a metal detector, take a 10 minute tutorial at a computer, and have my dastardly picture taken by a very bored archivist in the dungeons of the National Archives building in Washington, D.C.  No body cavity search required (unlike the TSA at the airport). 

All this in pursuit of answers regarding the origins of my father-in-law (heretofore called FIL so I don't have to type as much), whose adoptive parents were told he came over on a boat that landed in Ellis Island, New York sometime around early September 1945.  I originally visited Ellis Island but was told that all records past 1924 are kept on microfiche at the National Archives. 

Since we were going to be passing D.C. en route from NC to MD the week before Thanksgiving, I thought it would be the perfect time to put my sleuthing skills to work.  I fancy myself an amateur genealogist, having honed my skills looking for information regarding my Squirrel's birth families.  It's amazing what you can find online!  I have been able to get mug shots, police records, MySpace pictures, Facebook pictures, relative connections, and more all from digging around.  I even found out that there is a website of Social Security Numbers of deceased people!  SCARY!

But I digress...

I had very little to go on.  My FIL does not know where he came from, exactly how old he was (he was assigned a guesstimated birthday of August 1st), what his birth name was, or his adoption agency.  The only thing he has is a birth certificate that would have been reissued upon his adoption.  For those of you unfamiliar, when a child is adopted, their birth certificate is reissued as if the adoptive parents gave birth to that child.  So, in my kid's case, it looks like I gave birth to Elisabeth before I even married Husband (SCANDALOUS!)

Armed with my small pocket of knowledge, I entered the National Archives to search for infant boys landing in Ellis Island between September 1 and September 10, 1945.  I scanned my Researcher card into the registry and was escorted back to the real dregs of the Archives...the microfiche records room.  It's mind-boggling...and a bit disconcerting...to realize how much information our government has on all of us.  And how readily accessible most of it is! 

My guide led me to the microfiche drawer containing the dates I needed and then another guide helped me load up my microfiche machine in a darkened, eerie room.  There were only four other researchers in the room at the time, all hushed and bent over their terminals (probably trying to find Obama's REAL birth certificate!). 

I found amazing things on microfiche...boats of WWII soldiers returning home declaring their "war trophies" to Customs and Immigration (lots of German weaponry taken off dead soldiers, no doubt), a stowaway named Robert Hein from Bremahaven, Germany...19 years old, no family left, and he snuck aboard a cargo ship bound for the US. 

There were only three big passenger boats arriving during the dates in question - one entirely of individuals with last names of Wong, Chang, Hui...so I ruled that one out.  The most likely boat to search was the "Queen Mary" arriving from Southampton, England. 

But alas, no child younger than 18 months was listed in passenger manifests and even then, that was a girl named Tabitha whose surname matched her parents traveling with her. 

I came back home a bit discouraged that I didn't have more exciting news to share with my FIL.  I had tracked down the son of the caretaker of the orphanage we think he lived at for a period of time and I did find that, although the orphanage shut down years ago, a grotto still remains on a steep, wooded trail at the end of a dead end road in P Town.  And I found that the Archdiocese of Chicago may have records dating back to 1945 that may contain information he is looking for. 

My FIL took it all in a stride.  He says that he hasn't known for 60+ years where he came from and if he never finds out, then he will still sleep at night.  I left messages on Ancestry.com forums for anything related to the orphanage and we'll see if anything surfaces. 

Until then, I'll keep my magnifying glass, fingerprinting kit, and houndstooth trench coat out and ready to go at a moments notice!

The Battle of the Bucket Lists

I read through my owner's manual for the Big Blue Bus the other week and figured out how to remove all the seats in the minivan.  I alternated between suppressing my gag reflex at the amount of nasty goo and petrified candy found ground into the carpet and seat clamp thingies...and my marvel at how the van had become a time capsule of items lost from countless hours spent on the road (we can now play "Go Fish" with an almost complete deck of cards). 

One item I unearthed was an old "Bucket List" compiled by Eli.  Here goes:

1. go to disny world
2. fly in a arplane
3. be a soper star (I am guessing that's "super star")
4. go to disneyland (she's going bi-coastal, people!)
5. driveacar
6. be a prfesher (professor?)
7. see slena gomas in parson ("Selena Gomez in person"...kind of disturbing to see Selena Gomez "in parson")
8. be in a tv show
9. be in oterspase (outer space)
10. go to the beach
11. linn hot sire (or maybe "lirn hotsire?)
12. rid a Elfent (elephant)

Oh wait!  There's more: 

13. rid a dofen (dolphin)
14. go to evry stat in the usa

Hmmm...so much for her desire to cure cancer or find a solution to global conflict.  She is going for MUCH more shallow pursuits like meeting Disney stars and getting on TV.  She tells me that she can't decide if she wants to be a TV star, a pop star, or a gospel singer.  The choices, people!  I tell her all three will require that she be a role model and treat her sister well so she might as well start practicing now.  To which, she rolls her eyes and groans (I'm all about letting her keep her delusional bubbles while seizing the opportunity to exploit the moment towards good behavior!)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's my bucket list:

1.  Teach my daughter how to spell and write legibly. 

I do believe Eli will be crossing all the items off her bucket list before I can do the same!



I'll Love You When I Am Dead

Relayed from my sister Mary in this morning's email:

"Bucky [Rebekah] saved her coins and bought a Barbie doll at Walmart last week. Yesterday, as I was sitting doing my Bible reading, I looked up to see that she had set up a wedding (in the absence of a male Barbie, she was using a wooden Indian chief that I had set out for Thanksgiving).



I asked her, "Who is that?" and she informed me it was Sarah and Brenton "Fartenburger."


I pretended to pay no attention, as she said the vows (she had to say both parts and it went like this...


"I'll love you when I am pregnant, I'll love you when I am pregnant. I'll love you when I am dead, I'll love you when I am dead. I'll love you when I am strong, I'll love you when I am strong."


Then she sat back and declared, "You two make a great couple!"


I agree; even if Brenton forgot to wear his Indian head dress to the wedding!!!"
 

The Curse of Money

Last Friday night, I had an opportunity to share about our calling to missions and the mighty work of the Isaiah 55 Deaf Ministries team in Reynosa, Mexico.  I am learning on this journey that so much of surrendering to the call of missions is realizing my secure feelings surrounding money...and my hesitance to give it up. 

Growing up in a household where money was scarce (read: small time farming dad and mom raising 7, count 'em, 7 daughters and one not-so-motivated-to-farm son) and so from little on, I developed a hatred for debt and a strong desire to make sure I would always be financial comfortable. 

15 years and a masters degree later, I had my wish.  Our two income household was comfortable.  Husband and I had just spent a small fortune building our dream house.  We had the requisite two children, two dogs, and one cat. 

Then why did I feel empty?  As I wondered around my new home, and as God, through the work of His Holy Spirit, began whispering to my soul, I realized I had taken on triple the mortgage and triple the work, all in pursuit of what?  Happiness?  The image of success?  To show off on Facebook and at class reunions that I had "arrived"?

God would bring a scene from a movie back to replay in my mind as if someone had set the DVD player to "repeat" and left the room.  (Yes, God speaks even through movies...imagine that)

Let me set the stage:

Oskar Schindler was a German industrialist who set up munitions and enamalware factories in Poland and the Czech Republic during World War II.  Self-serving and opportunistic by nature, he sought to profit from the war but was however, visibly uncomfortable by the treatment of Jews by Hitler's army.  He soon found that by wining, dining, and flattering high-ranking SS officers, he could purchase Jews to work in his factory, thereby saving them from the death camp.  His choice of whom to purchase was based more on the advice of his accountant Itzhak Stern (also a Jew) than by the Jewish person's actual ability to perform the given tasks.  Nearly shut down after the SS finds that he has employed a one-armed factory worker, claiming him to be "essential", Schindler, nonetheless, manages to keep 1,100 Jews from perishing in the Holocaust. 

Below is the scene at the end of the movie where the Nazis have been overcome and the hunters have now become the hunted.  The Jews from Schindler's factory have gathered to say their goodbyes as Schindler plans to flee (since Oskar was officially a member of the Nazi party although his actions clearly said he did not support their platform).  Oskar is presented with a ring from his accountant Stern that in Hebrew reads "He who saves a life saves the world entire"...and the magnitude of Schindler's past decisions hit him square in the chest.  He realizes that he could have saved so many more...that he had wasted so much money. 

He Who Saves One Life Saves the World Entire



Schindler's List
— MOVIECLIPS.com

(Facebook followers can click on this link...video clips don't stream over)
http://movieclips.com/mX2f-schindlers-list-movie-he-who-saves-one-life-saves-the-world-entire/

And so for the past six months, God has been enabling me to see money differently. He has proven that He can outgive me any day of the week.  He has helped me to realize that, had I invested in Isaiah 55 instead of building a house, I could have paid teacher salaries for YEARS to come...which would have resulted in hundreds of students learning to communicate and ultimately learning that God did not make a mistake when creating them and that they had an important voice in this world and that through His Son Jesus Christ, these students, and their families, can be adopted into the family of God forever.

I can't change the past.  But I'll be hanged before I waste any more time or money in the future.