Spanglish "Mess"ionary

I suppose it is time to put up or shut up about this whole blogging business.  It started as a catharsis for me to blog about the early stages of adoptive motherhood where I alternated between wanting to return my children to whatever barn they were raised in and laughing at the sheer weirdness that comes with two former urban dwelling nut brown Squirrels with zero boundaries.  Then blogging became this pressure to be uber funny and have lots of hits on the website.  My life became moments to be evaluated as "blog-worthy" or not. 

So let's just say this long sabbatical from blogging has been needed.  I had a major life change - or several, if you count my husband quitting his Fortune 50 job, selling our "dream home", moving 1000 miles south to the Mexico/US border, and entering under the microscope of the missionary world where one feels one has to justify any purchase over $50 since others are supporting you financially. 

Here are a few lessons learned while I have been radio silent...

1)  Marriage was a lot easier when we were not together all the time.  I actually had a chance to miss my husband when he went away to work.  We've had to re-establish what our relationship looks like now that we are together a lot.  Oftentimes sleeping on pallets on top of plywood and dodging cockroaches the size of city busses as we spent many nights down at the mission compound.  We are a work in progress...

2)  Living on the mission field does not carry the same high that a one-week short term mission trip does.  Those of you who have been on one know that hyperbonding and cell phone ditching means really deep relationships forming with your co-travelers.  This gets to carry on when you return home and is way cool!  For us, we get to meet people for a week and then may not see them again for a year.  Or ever again.  I have to fight against the urge to stay un-engaged as goodbyes are emotional.  I also stay behind and continue to try to figure out how to best serve in some of the poorest neighborhoods in our part of Mexico.  It was way easier when I could just send a check down.  Hands on volunteer work requires more than I think I am capable of sometimes. 

3)  I have come to realize that God must have a tremendous sense of humor - sending the most ill-equipped "mess"ionary to the field.  Really.  There are others that can learn language and share the Gospel as easy as they breathe.  Me?  I stumble around in my Spanglish like a kindergartner with a speech impediment and step on people's cultural toes with my ugly Americanism despite my best intentions to be sensitive and humble.  I am combatting this bravado and audacity I have had most of my life and trying to blend.  I am about as successful as a bull in a china shop.  If anyone sees Jesus in me, it will be a true miracle of God!

There is more, I suppose, but that's a peek behind the curtain of our first full year plus here on the frontera.  It's been amazing.  It's been frustrating.  It's been...life.