Napoleon Dynamite - Juror Panel 2

After years of moving around enough to successfully dodge it, the dreaded summons came...JURY DUTY! Now, if my only court experience had been watching endless reruns of "Law and Order", I would have been excited for the juicy fodder of being on a jury. But alas, after seeing adoption court, which is a bunch of people, all not looking at each other, mumbling things while staring at their laptops, I knew court is super boring.

I sent a request out for ideas on how to get out of jury duty to my Facebook friends. They didn't disappoint. I share their advice:

"Tell them the only justice you believe in is vigilante justice." - Susan H (my sister...she's not right in the head).

"You could try bringing a stuffed animal and suck your thumb and answer every question in a tweety bird voice...I tink I taw a waywer!!" - Camille K

"Tell them you think Perry Mason was the first Reality TV Show. I actually had a friend dismissed from jury duty when they asked if anyone thought it would be like Perry Mason, he raised his hand." - Steve and Sharon H

"Just tell them that your instructions from the federation leader on planet Lyborg Q-854 are to politely decline the invitation. Or you could just stuff a bunch of steak knives in your purse before you go through security, but I'd prefer not to visit you in county lock-up!" - Dena M (my SIL...she's not right in the head either)

"Tell them your dog said you can't come without him because he's your legal representation and bring the dog with you." - Camille K (her 2nd option)

"Another line you could try to get the boot: "The best jury is a hung jury." - Joe M (my BIL husband to Dena M...evidently warped minds attract warped minds)

In the end, I decided to go all "Napoleon Dynamite" for the day. I even debated wearing my "Vote for Pedro" t-shirt (yes, I have one thanks to my little sister Erin) but thought that would be too obvious. So I went fresh from the shower, hair not even remotely done, no makeup, ratty jeans, a old brown "RAGBRAI 1973" t-shirt, and flip flops. I tried to look as homeless and hungover as possible except when the question came up as to whether or not I was friends with, had relatives that were, or lived next to law enforcement officers. I dug up every connection I possible had and changed my outward demeanor to one of members of the Montana militia.

I looked around the rest of the room and realized that there were lots of kooks, though. I mean you had your regular Corporate people who furiously typed on their Blackberries, tromped around in heels, and otherwise looked like they were far above this lowly position of juror. Then there was the militant NRA members who just wanted somebody to hang. And your harried housewives who were trying to arrange additional days of childcare for their brood. And the ones who felt full disclosure was best when the question of "Have you ever been a party to a court case?" came up and they went into vast detail about how their husband had been accused of embezzling and was wrongly sentenced and blah de blah de blah.

In the end, my "Napoleon Dynamite" persona was dismissed from having to serve on Panel #2 and I was promptly thanked for my time. But I am saving my "Vote for Pedro" t-shirt in case I get summoned again.