I was invited to be a guest blogger for Family Life's "Mom Life Today" website. Wasn't sure if my post was going to be far too honest to make it to the wall but I pray it speaks the truth in love about foster care and adoption. I read so many flowery blog entries from other moms gushing about everything that is motherhood I begin to wonder how honest they are.
So here is my unvarnished truth:
http://www.momlifetoday.com/2010/11/born-out-of-loss/
Family
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The Doctor Is In
I received an email from my sister Renee today relating events involving her hilarious daughter Grace:
"Grace made an information sheet for me to fill out in order to be seen in her doctor's office.
I thought is was kind of personal but I filled it out anyway. Here were her questions:
1. Name:
2. Phone numer:
3. Adress:
4. Who you maried:
5. Did you wet the bed:
6. Who is your mail lady:
7. Hair corler:
8. Eye corler:
9. Fravorvite dotcer (doctor):
10. Fravite corler:
11. Fravite outfit:
12. Age:
13. Fravite animal that you have:
14. Fravite kind of apple:
PLEASE DO NOT WRITE IN CURSIVE"
"Dr. Grace" is nothing if not thorough...
"Grace made an information sheet for me to fill out in order to be seen in her doctor's office.
I thought is was kind of personal but I filled it out anyway. Here were her questions:
1. Name:
2. Phone numer:
3. Adress:
4. Who you maried:
5. Did you wet the bed:
6. Who is your mail lady:
7. Hair corler:
8. Eye corler:
9. Fravorvite dotcer (doctor):
10. Fravite corler:
11. Fravite outfit:
12. Age:
13. Fravite animal that you have:
14. Fravite kind of apple:
PLEASE DO NOT WRITE IN CURSIVE"
"Dr. Grace" is nothing if not thorough...
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
A Series of Unfortunate Events
I have never had any desire whatsoever to home school, partly because I work full-time from home but mostly because public school provides me with 6 1/2 hours of uninterrupted daycare for my two ADHD squirrels. However, based on recent events, I may reconsider my stance on homeschooling when it comes to Eli.
Eli has always struggled with talking to much in class and being distracted by her friends. Her grades, however, have been very good up until this school year. Enter her third grade teacher, who is more of a 3Rs, learn by rote, sit in your seat and be still than some of the younger, more tactile learning teachers. Eli is struggling...big time.
I didn't want to be the helicopter parent, hovering and smothering. After all, at some point, Eli needs to be responsible to get her own homework done and to make sure she has studied a sufficient amount for tests. I can't follow her to college and I think natural consequences can sometimes be more effective at instigating change than all the nagging in the world.
However, after Eli's latest social studies test (that I helped her study for) came home with this score:
I got ready to lay into Eli. Then I turned her test over and saw this handwritten note:
Not good. I can deal with her getting a bad grade. After all, she labeled the Atlantic Ocean as being in Colorado and said Canada was south of the USA. Not sure if her ADHD meds are not high enough, she is getting distracted, she is not taking her time or checking her work, or what but I know she can memorize quickly and is a smart girl. And if this note is an indication of how she feels about herself, I cannot stand by and watch.
I also saw this in her book bag:
I am dumbfounded. I ended up going into class to observe the next day, calling her doctor, and talking to a friend who specializes in learning strategies for special needs kids. She feels Eli, in addition to ADHD, has a sensory need to be working something over with her hands and that that will actually calm her brain and help her concentrate. We are upping her dose of medication (to see if that helps) and I sent her to school with a squeezable stress ball and a note. The teacher does not appear to be thrilled (since the ball rolled across the floor at one point) but she is willing to make the accommodation. We'll see how it goes.
Eli has always struggled with talking to much in class and being distracted by her friends. Her grades, however, have been very good up until this school year. Enter her third grade teacher, who is more of a 3Rs, learn by rote, sit in your seat and be still than some of the younger, more tactile learning teachers. Eli is struggling...big time.
I didn't want to be the helicopter parent, hovering and smothering. After all, at some point, Eli needs to be responsible to get her own homework done and to make sure she has studied a sufficient amount for tests. I can't follow her to college and I think natural consequences can sometimes be more effective at instigating change than all the nagging in the world.
However, after Eli's latest social studies test (that I helped her study for) came home with this score:
I also saw this in her book bag:
This was a "Passport to the Universe" that she completed in class. When I got done snickering at the fact that she wrote she lived in the "northen-westrern" hemispheres on planet "Eartch", I noticed what she had crossed out and written over on the bottom.
Furthermore, she was to create a cartoon in class and this is what came home:
In other strange news, I came downstairs to see that Kate had tied her doll to a post in our house. Looks rather disturbing but she claims she put her doll in her "seat belt".
I am without words...
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Ladies Who Lunch
Last week, I volunteered to chauffeur my 70-year-old mother to see three of her sisters and two nieces. I do this because my mom got a Tom Tom a couple of years ago and she would follow that thing into a lake if it told her to. I sent her to B-town to get varnish one time and she wound up a 1/2 hour south of her destination on interstate. Hence, I felt it would be best for all if I took her up to meet up with her family.
My mom comes from a family of 11 kids. One sibling died very young and the remaining children could not be more different. Well, they are alike in some ways. They are all very smart and witty and pragmatic but some are about as left-wing, tree-hugging, Barack supporting as you can get while others are Rush Limbaugh, Christian Coalition, outraged conservative as you can get. They have collectively agreed that political discussions are off limits but they do like to needle each other from time to time.
My favorite part is when they start discussing people they grew up with. We used to look through my mom's yearbook and laugh at the funny names like "Charlie Sparrow" and "Crafton Meeker". On this particular lunch date, I distinctly remember the names "Bobby Snicker" and someone named "Catfish" surfacing in the conversation. I wanted to jump in and ask if he was named Catfish for how looked or how he smelled but didn't want to interrupt the entertainment that was fully in progress.
I love all my aunts...no matter how different they are from one another or from me. Sometimes I think I inherited more of their traits then I did my mom's. My mom takes worrying to an Olympic sport level whereas I figure God is bigger than anything so no reason to sweat. My mom is so careful to not say a cross word or offend anyone. I stomp on toes (some unintentionally) more often than I care to admit and am generally a rather sarcastic broad. But I am like my mom in that I will champion for the underdog and can type at the speed of light.
So, without further ado, I give you:
My mom comes from a family of 11 kids. One sibling died very young and the remaining children could not be more different. Well, they are alike in some ways. They are all very smart and witty and pragmatic but some are about as left-wing, tree-hugging, Barack supporting as you can get while others are Rush Limbaugh, Christian Coalition, outraged conservative as you can get. They have collectively agreed that political discussions are off limits but they do like to needle each other from time to time.
My favorite part is when they start discussing people they grew up with. We used to look through my mom's yearbook and laugh at the funny names like "Charlie Sparrow" and "Crafton Meeker". On this particular lunch date, I distinctly remember the names "Bobby Snicker" and someone named "Catfish" surfacing in the conversation. I wanted to jump in and ask if he was named Catfish for how looked or how he smelled but didn't want to interrupt the entertainment that was fully in progress.
I love all my aunts...no matter how different they are from one another or from me. Sometimes I think I inherited more of their traits then I did my mom's. My mom takes worrying to an Olympic sport level whereas I figure God is bigger than anything so no reason to sweat. My mom is so careful to not say a cross word or offend anyone. I stomp on toes (some unintentionally) more often than I care to admit and am generally a rather sarcastic broad. But I am like my mom in that I will champion for the underdog and can type at the speed of light.
So, without further ado, I give you:
My Aunt Dot - Designer Dottie - always in the designer labels and with perfectly manicured hands. I used to pretend I had Aunt Dot nails and would rub my ring finger and thumb together like she used to do. We got her hand-me-downs when I was growing up and opening the package from her always caused a delicious scent of her perfume to waft through the air.
My Aunt Jan - Feisty Jan - she had to be feisty with that many older siblings! She's a writer and master gardener and likes to bait my mom...like any little sister should do.
My Mom - you can read about her above. If I ever take up stand-up comedy, I will owe a lot of stories to being raised with the mother I have. Much love, Mom, if you are reading this.
My Aunt Ada - the Motherly Ada. She was the oldest girl in family and no one has a cross word about Ada. She always has this regal bearing about her - may have something to do with the fact that she was the tallest of all her sisters.
I don't have a great ending for this blog post. So I will just sign off instead...
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Lipsuckers, Looking Good, and Leggings
Weird title, but that's what happens when you don't post for a while.
First off, my kids cashed in their "Fun 4 a Day" coupons with SuperAunt Dena and got to make Halloween cookies, play video games, and go out to eat at Steak 'n' Shake. The highlight, no doubt, was the fabulous "Fun Fang" lip-shaped suckers they got. Dena posted this picture to Facebook and I just want to note that Husband was responsible for hair duties. I was blissfully unaware several hours away at a corporate meeting. Dena probably needed several hours of downtime after squirrel wrangling for several hours.
Next came Elisabeth and Kate telling me the new way to show appreciation for someone (Facebook followers, you will need to click on "View Original Post" to see this video)
Finally, Kate was invited to her friend Mya's birthday party last night. The invitation said to dress-up so who should she pick to emulate? Hannah Montana (no surprises there) so we pieced together a t-shirt, hot pink miniskirt, lime green leggings, a Hannah Montana wig that we used last year when she was Tinkerbell for Halloween, sunglasses, and random jewelry. She came home with vampire fangs that have multi-colored strobe lights in them and slobbered them up so heavily that we can't shut the strobe lights off. So we had flashing "dentures" all night in bed with her.
And, as an added bonus, I give you Kate singing her song that she made up. I can't catch all the words but it is something like (again, Facebook followers will need to click on "View Original Post" to see video):
"Okay, Okay, I will obey" as the running theme...along with mention of doing her chores and doing what I say.
Music to my ears!
First off, my kids cashed in their "Fun 4 a Day" coupons with SuperAunt Dena and got to make Halloween cookies, play video games, and go out to eat at Steak 'n' Shake. The highlight, no doubt, was the fabulous "Fun Fang" lip-shaped suckers they got. Dena posted this picture to Facebook and I just want to note that Husband was responsible for hair duties. I was blissfully unaware several hours away at a corporate meeting. Dena probably needed several hours of downtime after squirrel wrangling for several hours.
Finally, Kate was invited to her friend Mya's birthday party last night. The invitation said to dress-up so who should she pick to emulate? Hannah Montana (no surprises there) so we pieced together a t-shirt, hot pink miniskirt, lime green leggings, a Hannah Montana wig that we used last year when she was Tinkerbell for Halloween, sunglasses, and random jewelry. She came home with vampire fangs that have multi-colored strobe lights in them and slobbered them up so heavily that we can't shut the strobe lights off. So we had flashing "dentures" all night in bed with her.
"Okay, Okay, I will obey" as the running theme...along with mention of doing her chores and doing what I say.
Music to my ears!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Turnips & Blowtorches
I was trying to corral the wild Squirrels one afternoon after school when my email account dinged to let me know I had a new message. The school librarian wrote to tell me:
“I wanted to tell you about something that happened in computer lab today. The kids were using the search engine (ask.com) to ask questions about animals. It turned into something else since children get naturally curious about other things. Kids started asking questions about the tallest people, smallest people, richest people etc. I guess Elisabeth asked "who is the hottest person in the world?" One of the links that came up had the word "sex" in it. I overheard some girls whispering about it later. We talked again about the importance of being safe on the Internet and even if these websites are blocked at school, we always have to be careful about what we type etc.”
The librarian went on to tell me that she didn’t want the story blown out of proportion. My first thought, as I nearly swallowed my tongue, was “EVER HEARD OF FILTERING SOFTWARE, LOCAL SCHOOL DISTRICT?” Then I decided to ask Elisabeth…very nonchalantly…about the situation. The conversation went like this:
Me: “Soooo…did you find something interesting in your Internet search today?”
Eli (blank look…then, a guilty head dip with a scurrying glance right and left): “It wasn’t me…it was Haley.”
Me: “So an interesting word didn’t come up on your computer.”
Eli (realizing her mama is no fool, looks sheepishly down at her toes): “Oh yeah…a bad word came up.”
Me: “What does the word mean?”
Eli: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Then how did you know it was a bad word.”
Eli: “Olivia told me. But I already forgot what she said.”
Yeah, I am not so hip on this peer sex education thing. Granted, I’ve been remiss in my responsibilities to delve into the whole explanation. Mostly, I have been putting off because I feel highly unqualified to be addressing this subject. Seriously, I have the sexual I.Q. of a turnip.
(Note to dudes here…you may want to turn back now. After reading on, you would probably have the urge to gouge out an eyeball. Or both. Just giving you fair warning.)
Not that I don’t want creativity in sexual side of my life. It’s just that when I try, I end up nearly beheaded by a ceiling fan (that really happened). Or like the time when I decided to attend one of those parties that are supposed to talk about massage oil and lotions. Only this party turned out to have a lot of things I had never seen before. Turns out the “beaded necklaces” at this party were not meant to hang around your neck.
And then the party demonstrator asked for volunteers to try a new “stimulating lotion” for Ladytown. I thought I would be a sport and give it a whirl. She had me go to the bathroom to apply said product. I came back out…not feeling a whole lot…and then SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THINGS PURE I felt like someone had taken a blowtorch to my nether regions. The party demonstrator is all smiles, extolling the virtues of this wonderful product to the other participants as I am doubled over, sweat pouring down my face, gasping for my last breath, wondering how in the SAM HILL this was supposed to be stimulating. It was like a Brazilian bikini wax on STEROIDS.
Finally, when the demonstrator realized that everyone was chortling at my distress and not listening to her, she gasped, clutched a hand to her chest, and wheezed, “Please feel free to remove it if it is not pleasant.”
So much for trying to get my freak on and surprise Husband. Of course, he would have been surprised to find third degree burns “down there”.
Perhaps I will skip that story as Eli and I delve into the human sexuality lessons coming up. Some things just need to be kept between us turnips.
“I wanted to tell you about something that happened in computer lab today. The kids were using the search engine (ask.com) to ask questions about animals. It turned into something else since children get naturally curious about other things. Kids started asking questions about the tallest people, smallest people, richest people etc. I guess Elisabeth asked "who is the hottest person in the world?" One of the links that came up had the word "sex" in it. I overheard some girls whispering about it later. We talked again about the importance of being safe on the Internet and even if these websites are blocked at school, we always have to be careful about what we type etc.”
The librarian went on to tell me that she didn’t want the story blown out of proportion. My first thought, as I nearly swallowed my tongue, was “EVER HEARD OF FILTERING SOFTWARE, LOCAL SCHOOL DISTRICT?” Then I decided to ask Elisabeth…very nonchalantly…about the situation. The conversation went like this:
Me: “Soooo…did you find something interesting in your Internet search today?”
Eli (blank look…then, a guilty head dip with a scurrying glance right and left): “It wasn’t me…it was Haley.”
Me: “So an interesting word didn’t come up on your computer.”
Eli (realizing her mama is no fool, looks sheepishly down at her toes): “Oh yeah…a bad word came up.”
Me: “What does the word mean?”
Eli: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Then how did you know it was a bad word.”
Eli: “Olivia told me. But I already forgot what she said.”
Yeah, I am not so hip on this peer sex education thing. Granted, I’ve been remiss in my responsibilities to delve into the whole explanation. Mostly, I have been putting off because I feel highly unqualified to be addressing this subject. Seriously, I have the sexual I.Q. of a turnip.
(Note to dudes here…you may want to turn back now. After reading on, you would probably have the urge to gouge out an eyeball. Or both. Just giving you fair warning.)
Not that I don’t want creativity in sexual side of my life. It’s just that when I try, I end up nearly beheaded by a ceiling fan (that really happened). Or like the time when I decided to attend one of those parties that are supposed to talk about massage oil and lotions. Only this party turned out to have a lot of things I had never seen before. Turns out the “beaded necklaces” at this party were not meant to hang around your neck.
And then the party demonstrator asked for volunteers to try a new “stimulating lotion” for Ladytown. I thought I would be a sport and give it a whirl. She had me go to the bathroom to apply said product. I came back out…not feeling a whole lot…and then SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THINGS PURE I felt like someone had taken a blowtorch to my nether regions. The party demonstrator is all smiles, extolling the virtues of this wonderful product to the other participants as I am doubled over, sweat pouring down my face, gasping for my last breath, wondering how in the SAM HILL this was supposed to be stimulating. It was like a Brazilian bikini wax on STEROIDS.
Finally, when the demonstrator realized that everyone was chortling at my distress and not listening to her, she gasped, clutched a hand to her chest, and wheezed, “Please feel free to remove it if it is not pleasant.”
So much for trying to get my freak on and surprise Husband. Of course, he would have been surprised to find third degree burns “down there”.
Perhaps I will skip that story as Eli and I delve into the human sexuality lessons coming up. Some things just need to be kept between us turnips.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Not Another Head Case(worker)
On Wednesday, my Squirrels were beyond excited to go see their former foster care caseworker Kim. Now, I know, there are lots of horror stories about caseworkers out there - not giving correct information about a child or never returning phone calls or acting calloused about the needs of foster parents. And certainly, when I look at the caseworker case loads and the absolute junk they have to wade through, you can see where there would be an exceptionally high burn out factor.
But my kiddos won the foster care lottery when they got Kim for a caseworker. And that means I did to. She genuinely loves my little Squirrels and has kept tabs on them even after the adoption was finalized. She was great for getting me information and resources to be able to advocate for my kids. One time, I had forgotten to let her know we were going to be traveling out of state with the girls - which, while they are still wards of the state, requires written consent from the guardian ad litem (the attorney who represents the girls in court but who never ever really sees them). Kim rushed to have that approved the same day so we could take the girls to see my nephew play in the state football tournament.
Kim had not seen the girls since they were adopted in June of 2009 and was amazed by how big they had gotten. The girls were able to tell her about school and soccer and show her how they can both read now. After big hugs and updates on their baby sister (adopted by another family), we agreed to meet again each year. Kim was a part of their lives for three years - longer than I have been at this point - and I feel it it so important to continue their connection to her for as long as she's willing.
I guess all this is to say that who you have as a caseworker in foster care makes ALL the difference and we'd be delighted if Kim brought us our next kids as well. And my girls have much love for this wonderful woman who made their time in foster care a lot more bearable.
But my kiddos won the foster care lottery when they got Kim for a caseworker. And that means I did to. She genuinely loves my little Squirrels and has kept tabs on them even after the adoption was finalized. She was great for getting me information and resources to be able to advocate for my kids. One time, I had forgotten to let her know we were going to be traveling out of state with the girls - which, while they are still wards of the state, requires written consent from the guardian ad litem (the attorney who represents the girls in court but who never ever really sees them). Kim rushed to have that approved the same day so we could take the girls to see my nephew play in the state football tournament.
Kim had not seen the girls since they were adopted in June of 2009 and was amazed by how big they had gotten. The girls were able to tell her about school and soccer and show her how they can both read now. After big hugs and updates on their baby sister (adopted by another family), we agreed to meet again each year. Kim was a part of their lives for three years - longer than I have been at this point - and I feel it it so important to continue their connection to her for as long as she's willing.
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